It was not a conference call..

Jo Mana! Wow we've been kinda lazy about this whole blog thing. Reasons?

1. Mitchell is in a conference call all week;
2. Ern has to actually work at work.. in fact I stayed over time today; and
3. We are both on our Kitty this week! Ugh its a heavy day tomorrow.

We have a few quotes but the highlight of this blog is the messages I've been getting on Myspace.com

Quotes!

Cherie: Have some chocolates
Ern: No I can't, I'm on my boot camp diet
Cherie: Ugh. Just eat some no one thinks your fat but you
Ern: My mom does
Cherie: What the hell does she want you to eat all day? Bok Choy?!?!

Tina McMina: This family is staying with us. They're Oriental so they're going to be difficult.

Random Messages

From: Dude #1

Date: Mar 20, 2006 6:05 PM

Subject: HEY ERN^^

Body: sup! how's going~ this is name btw and i live in calgary, canada i saw your page which kind of interesting to me and you look realli cute and pretty actually^^ i was wondering would you mind if make up as friend ? and it's interesting that we both all live in canada~!! hehe anyway i hope i could hear from you again ~ cya

~name~

Umm.. 8 days later from the same dude.

From: Dude #1

Date: Mar 28, 2006 11:59 AM

Subject: sup ern

Body: hey wat's up ern^^ haven't hear from you for long time... how have you been doing? busy eh!!! but don't forget me while your busy with doing some other things..alright>.<

~name~

From: Dude #2

Date: Mar 25, 2006 9:08 AM

Subject: Hi Ern :)

Body: You are absolutely breathtaking...I am practically rendered speechless by your beauty. You and I should definately have dinner together. I think we would get along perfectly :)

If there is anything I enjoy in life it's obviously a free dinner!

Today's Eff You!

So the Mitchestine planned an awesome blossom girl's night for this Saturday which invloves Wine, Twisted, Boys and Kitty. We've invited the best of the best but apparently everyone has other plans. We kitty you guys a lot..but at this moment we're quite upset.

- Jeff and his poutine;

- Sonia and her PowerPoint; and

- Amar and his work.

So Mitchell and I are getting our hair did this week and ironically we both bought a pair of Sevens today. We sincerely did not plan any of this it must be the Kitty or our Mitchestine ESP crap.

Mitchestine will be making a special appearance at Twisted (April 1st) this Saturday night! Everyone come and party with us Bitches!

P.S. Everyone watch America's Next Top Model so we can gossip mossip tomorrow!

STD is coming to town!!

Mitchestine Huynett v. Swiss Chalet - Early Court Meeting

Jo San! Back to work Monday..ugh Saves the Day is coming to Calgary! I'm so excited they were all I listened to during high school. The weekend was quite relaxing and melaxing. Mitchell bought some bitchin Prada sunglasses and I bought bubble tea.

Kitty left on a hoidy toidy business trip this morning..I hate to say this but I'm a little bit just a TINY little bit sad. So sad that I accidentally put his wool sweater in the dryer..now its the perfect size for my puppy. Ugh I feel awful however, this is not the first wool sweater of his that I've shrunk. So apparently you're suppose to soak the shrunk sweater in cold water with hair conditioner and slowly stretch it out...

25 minutes later..

Nothing! Eff! Now I just have a tiny grey sweater that smells like Aveda conditioner. Eff!



So Jeff went to Twisted this weekend and here are the details:

Jeff says: this chick that I was there with grabbed me to tell me we were leaving to go to Jerry's and I decided I wanted poutine more then I wanted a 3-some.

That is correct he chose poutine over a 3-some..

Quotes! - We always quote people in the office and tend to forget how funny we truly are...

Ern: I'm sorry I shrunk your wool sweater...
Kitty: Oh yeah don't worry about it, its not the first time.

I told Mitchell the above quote this is how he interpreted the conversation:

Ern: I'm sorry I shrunk your wool sweater...
Kitty: Marry me!

Mitchell: Ern, is there anywhere to get Bubble Tea on Sunday at 7pm?

Mitchell says: I think not straightening your hair makes anyone ugly by default.
Ern says: Probably, which is why we both abuse our hair straighteners
Mitchell says: I know, it's horrible abuse.

Quotes from work!

Kirk: Ern, I don't want to work today
Ern: Me neither, lets go outside and play!
Kirk: Yeah lets go to playground and go on a dirty slide

Sandy (on the phone): His last name is what? Him?...Win? ...What??
Mitchell (near her listening): HUYNH.

Bruce: You spelt my name wrong on both trays!
Ern: It was when I first started! So it doesn't count. - You don't even know how to pronounce my last name..
Bruce: That's because you don't!

Ern: What do you think of the jeans? They look really comfortable
Mitchell: If you ever feel comfortable it means you look ugly and fat

Ern: I'm sorry I was in the washroom
Bruce: Mmm hmm your a big pee-er.


Top 5

Top 5 things Mitchestine do on the weekend:

- Get manicures at ghetto Marvel
- Stuff our face with sushi
- Stuff our face with bubble tea
- Straighten our hair
- Apply Aveda mask


Today's Eff You

- Kitty's tiny tiny wool sweater
- Mitchell says: Eff Cold sores, even though I have never had one, they are gross to look at on other people.
- Umm.. Kitty's current cold sore
- Ern's tiny bladder :(
- Mitchell's e-mail server

If this picture of Star Jones doesn't make you laugh out loud I don't know what will.




*Please note: anyone can comment on Mitchestine. You do not need to be an effing blog user...bitches.

No More Cute Outfits for Mitchell...

Today's Subject Line: Company Dress Code Policy - Revisions

Ern's says: Jo San everyone! Its about 11:00 AM right now - Mitchell's e-mail is currently down and Julie isn't around. So by default he e-mails and calls me 39475 times....each.

Mitchell says: Now it's 12:00pm exactly one hour after Ern's first contribution. Email is up, but Julie still isn't back and now I'm doing a Lost Business Report on my own... Ern and Mitchell are BOTH wearing all black today! I think the Mitchestine psychic connection kicked in and we both felt compelled to dress the same. I am going to try to dress in black more often because it matches my car! Oh but speaking of dressing, Head Office rolled out a new Dress Code policy, so no more cute outfits for Mitchell.

We sure have a lot of effing gossip to discuss. First off I understand that everyone watched ANTM last night. Seriously how is Gina still on the show? Did anyone else feel terribly bad for the fat lip girl that kept tripping in those heels? Ugh maybe its b/c I have weak ankles/knees but I felt my heart drop...when she twisted her ankle 14987 times.

Mitchell says: OH did you watch ANTM? I can't believe they are still keeping Gina, oh my gosh she is so stupid and if she doesn't do a complete 180 I'm going to fly to LA and take her off the show myself.

Yep Mitchell isn't lying and according to Caren "that boy holds no mercy!"

Quotes!!

Bruce: Whats with the all black?
Big E: I like it
Bruce: You going for that mysterious Asian girl look again?
Big E: Yes

Kitty 1.8: Going to the gym again?
Big E: You know me
Kitty 1.8: Do you ever feel intimidated by the men that workout at the gym?
Big E: No
Kitty 1.8: I'm sure they feel intimidated by you
Big E: Thanks! :)

Everyone knows that Kitty 1.8 is the biggest sleaze ball around. I like to be positive and turn that sleaziness into good ol' charm. Oh Kitty 1.8...


Sandy: What's this sitting on a fax machine?
Mitchell: It's a Credit Application for my 2007 Conference.
Sandy: Oh, they must be applying for credit with us.
Mitchell: Er... yeah, that's why they filled out a Credit Application.

Kitty (our crazy drug expert) and I went to Reef and Beef for dinner:

Ern: I'm going to eat this lamb off the bone and I don't care what you think
Kitty: Yeah go ahead

Today's Eff You!

- The Fog..ugh again??
- Auto Insurance
- CIBC

So at the end of the day Mitchell had to attend some hoidy toidy training. This is a real picture from his training manual:

Look innocent? Look again..

Yeah that's right! Chip Hospitality is clearly promoting low cut blouses in the office! Also the arrow indicates that South is the easy way to go.

HAVE A SUPER WEEKEND BITHCES!

Miu Miu / Michael Kors is MAD!

Today's Subject Line: The People v. Veronica Lodge - Draft Statement of Claim

Jo San! No update yesterday b/c both Mitchell and I had to actually work at 'work'. How ironic. I wore a hoe-y looking skirt today and Mitchell had to do his own filing! Mitchell is considering to change Miu Miu's name to Michael Kors..but thats just an awful name. We might as well call the car Phatty.

The week is halfway over, thank goodness. Only two sleeps until the weekend! Everyone watch America's Next Top Model tonight!!

We added a new section! For absolutely no reason at all I get random messages (usually from random men in far far away countries) on websites I've foolishly signed up for ie: Myspace, Face-pic, Friendster and etc..Mitchell suggested these messages are clog-worthy what do you guys think??

Quotes!!

Sandy: I've been trying for years to act really religious so they would give me Easter Monday off.
Jan: I don't know what to get my Dad for his birthday. I think I might get him a Mobster Book.
Sandy: A Lobster book??



Bruce: Hey Big E
Ern aka Big E: Hey

TOP 5

Top 5 Things That Mitchell Says At Work:

5 - Did you watch (insert applicable TV show) last night?
4 - Fantastic.
3 - Good Morning!
2 - Hi, how are you... good thanks!
1 - That's a dirty, rotten lie.

Top 5 ways to know that Ern is having an unproductive work day:

5 - Read Pink every two minutes starting at 8:30AM until its updated (usually at 1PM)
4 - Read every article written by David D'angelo on Askmen.com for the 747314th time
3 - Mix random tea bags together (I discovered that Chai Tea is Crap Tea!)
2 - Revises her workout schedule for the 27280th time
1 - Listens to House music and goes into hour long trance while staring at Crabby (the only thing fun at her desk)

Today's Eff You!

- Ern's hair
- Ern's hoe-y looking skirt
- Ern's lunch; the Asian noodles turned out to be Spaghetti wtf?

Random Messages

From:
Creepy #1

To:
Ern

Subject: hello
Date: 21 Mar 2006 23:14

hi sweety looking very nice just a dream come true i really want to get to know u if u have msn that xxx


From:
Creepy #2

To:
Ern

Subject: Hello
Date: 22 Mar 2006 14:36

Hey Ern Came across your profile and found it quite interesting,i'm not a guy of many words, but would like to know a bit more about you and maybe chat sometime if you're free to do so.Feel free to mail me back on here or alternativley on creepy@hotmail.com. Hope to chat soon

*Please note that I do not alter the body of these e-mails at all and for obvious reasons I have to hide their e-mail and identity.

Enjoy the Chinook everyone!!

Mitchell and Mitchell - Mitchell is the chubby one

Jo San everyone! Happy back to work Monday! Mitchestine had such a delightful weekend. Mitchell and I got our bi-weekly manicure and its amazing how many wonderful quotes we've collected in one day.

Mitchell is in Canmore all day today and tomorrow. This means he gets to spend more time with his sassy Spanish assistant; Tina McMina. Today she was wearing a rather large sombrero, with a burrito in her hand and Mitchell found her donkey hiding in the coat room.

Oh by the way, Miu Miu (Mitchell's new car) is effing AMAZING! I love her. I love her toxic new car smell and Mitchell is probably extreme petting her right now.

So for the last two nights I've been having odd dreams about Kitty, not the most recent Kitty but um lets call him Crack Kitty (that should be obvious enough) anyway, he was trying to make me buy the RENT soundtrack..how oddly romantic. ba hum bug

Fantastic quotes from the weekend!

Mitchell: Are you ready now?
Ern: Yeah I guess but my hair will look like crap
Mitchell: Oh whatever it always does
Ern: That is the meanest thing you've ever said to me.

Ern: Hi I'm calling to confirm my appointment tomorrow at 3
Lady: For who?
Ern: Ernestine and Mitchell
Lady: Do you mean Mitchell and Mitchell?
Ern: Yeah I guess that works

Mitchell: Just for one day I wish I was that little Asian girl over there. I would be worry free and I can watch Sailormoon all day.

At Marvel when Ern went to the washroom:

Bitch Teacher (Andrea): You have Mitchell, go see if Ashely can take another appointment. Student: Who does she have?
Andrea: The other Mitchell.

So another manicure lady was having a convo with her client and talking really loud:

Manicure lady: So back to when you got raped
Everyone: *Dead awkward silence*
Manicure lady to everyone: Oh no! it was a dream
Everyone: *Awkward laughter however, Ern was laughing extremely loud*

Actions tend to speak louder than words especially in the office. I (Ern) tend to do this face a lot in the office:

Quotes from The Office on Monday.

Ern: Its double sided
Kirk: Oh yeah thats Phat, yeah I said it thats Phat with a P H
Ern: Yeah..
Kirk: Close my door
Ern:

Switchboard: Switchboard paging Terry Mo....uh.. sorry Terry McDonald

Caren: So what did Mitchell end up naming his new car?
Ern: Miu Miu
Caren: Spelt M I U?
Ern: Yep
Caren: Oh just like the fashion house - I like that boy....a lot.

Bruce: Whats up with the swank sweater?
Ern:

TOP 5

Top 5 things the Mitchestine love:

- Aveda Clay Masque
- Miso Soup
- Healthy Hoof Hoof Cream
- Mixing random tea bags together
- Extreme petting

Top 5 things that insecure men say to women:

- Are you mad at me?
- What are you thinking of?
- I don't know, what do you want to do?
- What are you thinking of?
- What are you thinking of?

Mitchestine Jeff!

We miss our #1 reader, our friend but most importantly the third person in our three some.

Thats all for now Bitches! Stay warm.

Patty's Farewell Party and Miu Miu

Today's Subject Line: RE: Corporate Discount re: Houston Rates

Jo San! So this is real time aka 9:59 AM. Mitchell is purchasing his car new tonight! I'm super excited b/c if you know anything about me you know how much I like new car smell. Mitchell is going to Patty's going away party today at the Cactus Club. I don't know how this blog will hold without Patty's snappy remarks.

Oh we officially named Mitchell's new car to Miu Miu. The old car's name was Donatella. Speaking of Donatella here is a good quote that happened during our one of our girl's night.

*On the phone with Jeff in Mitchell's old car*

Ern: We're almost downtown just look for Mitchy's car
Jeff: What does it look like?
Ern: Uh..her name is Donatello
Mitchell: It's Donatella!!

We added a new subheading - Statistics!

Quotes

Ern: Whats up with the no shaving?
Bruce: I don't like to shave

Statistics

Number of people that complimented on Ern's skirt: 7
Number of people that complimented on Mitchell's skirt: 0

Number of people that wish Mitchell a Happy Chinese New Year on a daily basis: 11
Number of people that ask Ernestine how to fix their computer on a daily basis: 4

Today's Eff You

- Ern's hair - it was perfectly blow dried and teased until Mother Nature decided to eff it up.
- People that cough and sneeze in a gross bronchitis way on the C-train
- Kitty (yep you know which one!)

The Mitchestine are super tired we apologize for this half-ass blog entry. Everyone watch The Office tonight!

Have a SUPER weekend bitches!

Doctors and Lawyers

Today's Subject Line: Toronto Changes re: Lambara Settlement

Introducing... The Office Antics of Mitchestine - IN REAL TIME! Well, not really, but Ern and I both realized that neither of us had the time (or commitment/self discipline) to update this blog every single night after work.

So now, during our excessive exchange of daily emails, we are going to basically write the blog so as we go that one of us just has to copy and paste it at the end of the night! (right now it's 3:08pm and I'm on a conference call).

So far today, Kirk swept himself away in his trademark drama queen ways, only to return hours later healthy as a horse. Speaking of horses I wish I was petting one right now. I had a three hour meeting with my lawyer talking about smoking meth scabs. Oh the glamorous lives of Doctors and Lawyers...


Alright, let's get to the quotes!!

Frank: I'm gonna head out now.
Mindy (Frank's boss): Okay, when are you going to be back?
Frank: Tomorrow...
Mindy: It's only 3:00pm!!
Frank: Yeah... I have some stuff to do...

**Update - I think Frank felt bad, because he's back in his office typing away diligently**

Trainer at the gym: Have you ever heard of Get Rich or Die Trying?
Ern: Yep that's a 50 Cent album
Trainer: I like to call this area (referring to the weights area) Get Ripped or Die Trying!!

Kirk: I love this song!
Ern: Me too! *adjust volume*
Kirk: Oh wrong one, I thought it was Interference
Ern: I've never heard of them but this is Green Day
Kirk: I know, I meant Interference as in static ie: the television
Ern: Oh I thought Interference was a band
Kirk: I already told you it wasn't
Ern :(




Ern: Who the eff is Lynn Truss?
Mitchell: Lynn Truss is like the Grammar Queen... no wait, that's me. Lynn Truss is the Grammar Princess.

Kirk: I can't see the ground (b/c its so foggy outside)
Me: Oh yeah that's kinda cool
Kirk Yeah like Star Wars
Me: I've never seen it
Kirk: the second one
Me: I haven't seen any of them
Kirk: but your Asian

Gossip Corner!




Yep - Britney and Kevin have stepped into the disgusting and dark depths of Michael Jacksonism.

Today's Eff You

- Eff all men that get on the elevator before me (Ern)

- Eff the fog! What the shit, it's so hard to see! (Mitchy)

- People who say "Anyways"... There's no "S" people! It's just"Anyway"!! (don't bother commenting if you think otherwise. This has been confirmed by THE Lynn Truss herself)

- Eff working over time! (Mitchell and I both worked overtime until 6 today. However, Mitchell called me 12974 times between 4:30 - 6:00 to tell me that he wished he was at the Zoo)

- What the eff? No comments with yesterday's awesome post??

Thats all for now Bitches!

Ugh and Your Face!

Today's Subject Line: Fwd: RE: Research in Motion - 2006 Settlement

Jo San! There's a full moon today and a solar eclipse. I've already notice a change in people's behaviour this morning while riding the c-train.

Example #1 - I usually have to stand on the train b/c it gets crowded so fast but today I got a seat
Example #2 - A lot of cars were tailgating on 36th Street

Today was a very productive day for the both of us. I read all the previous e-mails Mitchell and I exchanged since last summer! Last year we were nothing but a flaming homo and an extremely emo girl... I'm glad thats changed now.

Quotes

Patty *talking about a client*: She's easily the ugliest person I have ever met. I'd rather look at a dogs behind.

Kirk: Can you lay the smack down on Grafton & Co.?
Ern: Huh?
Kirk: Yeah for my pants! They should be in by now but can you just double check?
Ern: Yeah sure
Kirk: Lay the smack down!!

Mitchell: This is the best coffee I've ever had from Tim Horton's... I hope that's a sign that I'm going to win something on Roll Up The Rim.
Kelly (Mitchell's sister aka the one suggested that Ern tries out for CNTM): Maybe the fact that it's such good coffee is reward enough.
Mitchell: What the eff? Who says that?!

Kirk: Okay you have 30 seconds to finalize this time batch or Jen is going to kick your ass
Ern: I can do it in 2 seconds plus I workout!
Kirk: Ooh fighting words

Mitchell: Can you please FedEx this, it needs to be priority overnight.
Julie: *sigh*

Mindy: Blah blah blah, cut myself and -
Julie: *screams while looking out the window* OH MY GOD IT'S A RABBIT.
Everyone: *blank stare*

Ern: Good afternoon, Ernestine speaking
Mitchell: OMG there's a bunch of cute boys in the lobby I'm going to prance around in my cute outfit.
Ern: I'm jealous
Mitchell: I'll call you later to tell you how many of them I kittied.


King Ham

Sandy: Who the hell is King Ham?
Mitchell: I have absolutely no idea what you are talking about.
Sandy: You Cc'd this email to KingHam@blahblah.com
Mitchell: Uh, no. I sent the email to K - as in Keith - Ingham@blahblah.com
Sandy *looking stupid*: Oh. Well it still looks like King Ham.

Oh Sandy..

TOP 5

What does Ern's hardcore boot camp consist of? I'm glad you asked!

5. Eat 6 times a day
4. Replace all juice and bubble tea with water or green tea
3. Super set your upper body
2. Avoid thinking about boys b/c that adds on about 20 calories/per hour...per boy
1. Text message a homo (preferably Mitchell)


EFF YOUs of the Day

- Grafton
- Doing lunges b/c I (Ern) injured my knees
- People who don't push the chair back in after sitting in my (Mitchell's) office.


Thats all for today! Ciao Bitches!

Eff Mondays indeed.

Today's Subject Line: Rolling 3 Month Action Plan (Mitchell used that same subject line about 12397912375 times)

Jo San! Mitchell and I did not hang out at all this weekend which was a refreshing boon. Today was very unproductive for the both of us. Mitchell spent the majority of his day looking for a new car and I spent all morning wrapping my boss' new baby gift. Oh speaking of babies I am a proud god mother to Mitchell's future car. He suggested that we name it Princess Sophia but that just an awful name. Does anyone have any suggestions?

Today is day #1 of Ern's Hardcore Get Fit-or- Die! Bootcamp. Today is the 13th and if there is any day to start anything hardcore its obviously the 13th. I am very determined to look good by May 28th aka my effing birthday BITCHES!

Gossip Corner

This isn't really gossip but this is possibly the hottest effing picture of Jake! I proudly kittied myself within 6.3 seconds after seeing this picture. Mitchell's record was 2.5 seconds. This picture was taken from PINK.

Quotes!

Ern's Mom: Why are Mitchell's thighs so much smaller than yours?
Ern: I don't know

Julie *talking about her Sister-In-Law's Mother*: I want to kick her in the face.

Kirk: You didn't notice my new shirt...AGAIN!
Ern: Oh well..if that's the second time you wore it than it's not new
Kirk: Woah...
Ern: You didn't notice my new skirt!
Kristos: Yes I did! Its effing sparkly..

Mitchell: Sometimes when people have pimples I say "Oops, you've got an m&m stuck to your face.

TOP 5

So I finished reading The Game this weekend. This is not an effing book that teaches you how to pick up women or play 'The Game'. Anyway this is my TOP 5 about the book and men in general:

5. Straight guys feel like crap after they masturbate
4. Any average chump can get any hot babe
3. Women probably have no idea how effing powerful they are
2. A woman will sleep with a man after roughly a total of 7 hours when meeting him (this could be in one night, or a combination of dates)
1. The Game is impossible to be played long term - every guy wants a faithful, devoted, fun loving long-term girlfriend or wife

Top 5 Things that Make Mitchell Miffed:

5- Bad Weather
4- Demanding People
3- Morning Shows on the Radio and TV
2- Unnecessarily loud noises
1- People that get in my way (Ie. Bad drivers, children)

EFF YOU of the day

- Justin (mmm hmm)
- Atlantis in Vancouver
- Ern's computer at work and at home
- Sunglass Hut (again)
- Shaw high speed internet
- Mitchell's effing long meeting

That's all for now Bitches!

Happy Weekend!

Jo Man! Just a mini clog update for this weekend. Friday was very productive day for the both of us at the Office. Mitchell was in a 'conference call' and I'm almost finished reading The Game. For some odd reason this week I've been drinking a lot of effing coffee however, this will stop on Monday, March 13, 2006...details to come.


What's New?

We added a hit counter! This counter is effective today Saturday, March 11, 2006. However, if we were to count how many hits we've received since our first entry I think its roughly:

525,600 hits - How do you measure, how do you measure the worthy of a blog?


Answers and Comments to our Readers

WOW! Our highest number of comments received! four (4) !!!

Chrissy - Thanks for concerning about our Asian eyes! However, Mitchell and I flew to Thailand last long weekend and got the eye lid surgery done. His name was Dr. Mow Mow and he did a fantastic job in his basement.

Jeff - No problem! We're here for you Missy.

Angy - Thanks for making our blog one of the first things you read!

Quotes!

Kirk: You know the drill.. (referring to me going upstairs and doing Corporate searches)
Ern: It's already done! It's in your in box
Kirk: You were lucky this time. Next time you won't be so lucky

Mitchell also had a really good King Ham quote so good we are waiting to post it on Monday.

Eff You of the Day!

- Sick latte from Second Cup
- Stomach ache causing sushi from Sunterra
- Seeing Kitty (you know which one, but at least I was wearing a cute skirt)
- Sunglass Hut
- Tim Horton's and their ratio lie about winning the 'Roll up the Rim' contest

Random picture of Mitchell's feet!





Enjoy the rest of the weekend!

Time Stands Still Downtown

Today's Subject Line: "Miss Butterworth's Weekly Newsletter" (WTF Ern?)

Ern got High Speed Internet today! Yes, that's right, there is a very good chance that she was the LAST person in Calgary to make the change, but that's irrelevant now. Here's a quote that happened only moments ago:

Shaw Guy: Wow, you really have a lot of pictures of yourself.
Ern: Yep!

So I'm taking a night off of bringing bread and water to Fiore customers, and updating the blog in Ern's absence. In other news, I got a cheque for $3.99 in the mail from the Government yesterday, and I finally won something on Roll Up The Rim To Win! Anyway, let's get started with:

Quotes!

Kirk: What the eff is wrong with our printer?
Ern: Everything
Kirk: Stop whatever your doing and burn it down!

Ern: Cherie and I got Meriam (Bruce's new baby) the cutetst outfit!
Kirk: Oh lets see
Ern: Cherie has it but its super cute and soft - something I would wear
Kirk: Oh it must be black.

Kirk: Thats unproductive
Ern: Applying lip gloss?
Kirk: Yes but I'm just kidding
Ern: Its not lip gloss its LIP VENOM!
Kirk: I don't care
Ern :(

Ern's Mom: What show is this?
Ern: America's Next Top Model - it's a show where girls compete to be models
Ern's Mom: Thats dumb
Ern: I like it! They have a Canadian one and a few people at work said I should try out for it
Ern's Mom: You won't make it

Mitchell: I've forwarded the lead to Daniel at Group Sales.
Patty: Yeah, he'll be all over that like a cheap suit.

Janice: Do you want some snow peas?
Mitchell: Yeah, I could use a "Pea" Break.

Earlier on in the day, Ern got a little Bipolar on the phone...

Mitchell: Jo San!
Ern: I hate everything about you.
Me: Err...
Ern: JO SAN! You're so hot right now.

And of course Mitchell's Mom and Ern's Mom were at it again:

Ern's Mom: Let's go buy food in bulk and write the wrong codes on the tickets to save money!
Mitchell's Mom: Deal!


Gossip Corner


So I'm assuming everyone watched America's Next Top Model last night. Okay seriously how did Gina make it this far?

"I love Asian men I hate Asian men" - Eff you!

Today's Eff You!

- Myspace.com
- Kitty (yeah you know which one...mmmm hmmm)
- Heath
- Ern's Bipolar-ness - Tim Horton's and their lies

Mitchell got fired from Fiore but got adopted from the friendly Chinese family that works at Cactus Club Cafe. Sometimes they feed him.

No Baby Time!

I'm going to download some Kitty now...

Bitch's Delight!

Better to be deprived of food for three days, than tea for one

Jo Mama! Yesterday was our highest comments received three (3)! Without our faithful readers this would just be a blog about an emo girl and her homo friend. Thank you Cherie for today's title! She claims its a Chinese Proverb but it could've been easily from some any random Starbucks cup.

So last night Mitchell had a dream about having babies! I had a dream about a mini van, Kitty #1, Kitty #2, random Mexicans and whats Mexicans without Yayo?

Gossip Corner

Mitchell called me this morning to tell me that Pete (from Fall Out Boy) has random naked pictures of himself and he found out from a very reliable source (that knows Pete personally). Mitchell knew about this before Trent himself! This proves that Mitchestine is the new blog bitches!

Myself on the other hand, found out that Trevor and Sarah broke up! Trevor aka the Bachelor and Sarah aka the broad that he picked broke up 2 weeks after the finale episode aired! I know this personally because Trevor called me last night and deep talked me.

Today's Quotes

Mitchell's mom: Do you want to play a few rounds of Mah-Jong tonight?
Ern's mom: Yes

Ern: No! *slams the phone*
Kirk: Don't talk to Jennifer like that
Ern: That was my mom!
Kirk: Isn't her name Jennifer?
Ern: Yes

Kirk: Are you reading the bible?
Ern: Yes I am a very spiritual person
Kirk: Oh I never knew
Ern: No I'm actually reading The Game it teaches you how to pick up women
Kirk: Why? Ern: Well, you know me!

Ern: Good afternoon, Ernestine speaking!
Mitchell: UGH!

Mitchell: Okay, there are several really hot guys in the lobby right now... and none of them are paying attention to me when I prance by in my cute outfit. So what was Mitchell's outfit?

Yes he's quite intimidating. (jealous?)

Gotta have a Top 5!

The Top 5 Most Annoying Fashion Mistakes Committed by Mitchell's Colleagues:

5- Tapered Carrot Pants

4- Polyester

3- Vests (excluding the sweater variety)

2- Gold Buttons

1- Platform Shoes

The Eff You of the day!

Today's Eff You goes to my shitty shoes because I twisted my ankles twice from simply walking from Bankers Hall to the Mall then to the gym. Eff you shoes!

That's all Bitches!

Puff Puff Scab Scab

Today's Subject Line: Order Confirmation - 4365709 (Response Required)

Hello bloggers! Wow what an exciting day in the Office for both Mitchell and I. This morning started off a bit intense and thick however, I decided to suck it up and thats about it. A shady salesman tried to sell a 'promotion' offer for a shady Salon at the Radisson today. I almost fell for it but luckily I didn't.


Mitchell and I invented two different types of green tea today:

1. Lemon + Green Tea = LemERN by Ern
2. Lemon + Green Tea + Ginger = Gingemon Tea by Mitchell

Anyway, on with what we've all been waiting for:

Ern's Mom: Wanna go for Dim Sum tomorrow?
Mitchell's Mom: No.

Old Geaser: Good morning, how are you?
Ern: I'm having a crappy day already and its only 9:00 AM
Geaser: Oh why?
Ern: I fell on a patch of ice and the c-train jabbed a hole in my beautiful jacket
Geaser: Oh right, you told me you had weak bones, your such an old lady
Ern: Yep!
Geaser: An old lady in a hot 20 year old's body
Ern: Um..thanks!

Kirk: Can you just save it on your desktop and then blackline it?
Ern: No you gotta do it through the system
Kirk: Just use the SHIFT key
Ern: um..no the SHIFT key won't do anything
Kirk: Whatever, your shifty!

Mitchell's mom: Oh Ern looks good! Did she lose weight?
Ern's mom: No!

Keith: You have the biggest feet I have ever seen in my life.
Mitchell: Err...

Some random guy at the gym: Hey!
Ern: Hi!
Creep: your so early today (its 12:30), don't you usually come at 1?
Ern: Yeah or whenever..
Creep: Oh I'm not trying to sound like a creep or anything I just happen to know what time you come to the gym everyday
Ern: Hm..Yeah...have a good workout!

Sarah: I effing hate Lindsay (another co-worker) I want to stab her in the neck!

Mitchell: I threw a spoon in the garbage because I didn't feel like walking back to the kitchen and putting it away.

While replacing Julie for 20seconds today.....

Mitchell: Ernestine, can you do this expense report for me?
Ern: Are you looking at naked people on your computer?!
Mitchell: Uhhh no. This isn't mine.

With respect to the above I bet your wondering what the eff "Puff Puff Scab Scab" means. Mitchell has this 'friend' that is a heavy meth user. Apparently people that uses meth a lot will get scabs all over their body. With the meth injested into their body it will create a meth-residue on their scabs. So they smoke their own effing scabs! To confirm if this is true or not I had to ask Kitty (the drug expert) and this was his response:

Kitty: I have no idea what the hell your talking about.


A special tribute to our number one reader (and only commenter)! Chrissy! your new name is now Chrisitine! All the way from effing Victoria! Thank you for being such a dedicated reader! Her reward was a once life time chance to hang out with the Mitchestine!

*Please note that we will make a ___estine out of whoever comments on our blog. However, not all rewards will be the same.

Here's a good quote to end off this emo day:

Jeff says: Eff him indeed.

Okay that's it for now! Enjoy the Chinook bitches.

Eff Mondays!

Today's Subject Line: FW: Nalgene Information Corp. - Amendments

Hello! I sincerely apologize for not updating our blog this weekend! Mitchell has been demoted from the 'Soap Lady' to the guy that pours water at Fiore (you know who I'm talking about) I sold him for about 20 YEN but he still works for the Clog part time.

What a crappy start to the week. Is anyone else disappointed that Brokeback Mountain didn't win best picture?

Mitchell is currently reading the Givenchy Code and I'm currently The Game..I will never fall for another boy again! We couldn't schedule a manicure appointment for this weekend so we're stuck with two weeks of crappy hoof hoof nails. Mitchell had no good quotes and I only had two! Eff that! So lets start with a random TOP 5.

Ern's Eff Monday Jo San TOP 5:

5. I've been having reoccurring dreams about Kitty (the emo one)
4. I am not a gold digger
3. My eyes are not blue
2. Money does not buy love in this world
1. I like closure

Mitchell's Eff Monday Jo San TOP 5:

5- I have a headache from all the caffeine
4- Desperate Housewives wasn't on last night
3- My nails look like crap
2- I have 525,600 Minutes stuck in my head
1- I just spilled coffee all over my desk AND my Gucci Bag

Sandy pronounce Pilates: "Puh-Lah-Tays" instead of "Pih-Lah-Tees".

Lindsay: What the eff was Charlize Theron wearing last night? Did she have a baby in that side poofy dress?

Minnie claims she knows people's personality and aurora by simply looking at them..

Ern: So what did you think of me when we first met?
Minnie: You're neat!
Ern: Huh..? That's it?
Minnie: You're a positive girl

Eh...the blog has been quite tamed and negative so far.

So this weekend we had a girl's night that included myself, Mitchell, Jeff and Amar, we had a splendid time! Here's some good quotes provided by our special Jeff.

*while applying my Lip Venom*
Jeff: What the eff is this?!?!

Jeff: Tell me how you feel after hearing the song
Ern: Okay - how did you feel?
Jeff: Gassy

Jeff is quite good at balancing out the Mitchestine...same with Amar.


Fibre 1 + coffee = Kitty #2. Ask Mitchell

Ki Bi Bitches!

Ern's MSN is broken... just like her Emo heart

Today's Subject Line:
Healthy Hoof Inc. - Rush Package

Relatively tame day today. I had to leave at 3:30 to take Atticus to the vet, and Ern contemplated which Gucci Bag to buy and toiled away folding her boss's laundry... or whatever it is she does at Kitty.

Bring on the quotes!

Cherie: I feel like crap today
Ern: Oh are you sick?
Cherie: Yeah you gave me bird flu

Courtney: Hey Ern are you feeling better? I heard you were sick lastweek
Ern: yeah I am thanks! I had bronchitis
Courtney: Oh how did you get that?
Ern: I don't know...I do ride the C-train everyday

Mitchell: You can take Ernestine out of the North East, but you can't take the North East out of Ernestine.

Ern: Try this new Healthy Hoof cream for your cuticles
Cherie: *smells it* I don't like it it smells like Tiger Balm, but I guess I'm already wearing an Asian shirt (which she was) I feel like ginger beef for lunch.

Ern: they can't get it done today, maybe tomorrow morning (referring to a huge photocopying job sent to Communications)
Bruce: can't you just flirt with them?
Ern: no..well maybe

Julie *coming into my office, for some reason holding a cactus -that's right, a cactus*: Hey, do you want a Cactus?
Mitchell: Are you serious? Umm no.
Julie: Everyone needs a cactus.
Mitchell: I'm uncomfortable with this.

Then shortly after...

Kevin *walking by Julie's desk*: Hey, nice cactus.
Julie: See Mitchell! Everyone needs a cactus!

Ern: Ugh. I hate Julie


























Cactus & Gabbana!

Short shorts!

Today's Subject Line: Purell Sanitization Inc.

Jo San everyone! Wow our highest comment ever two (2)! Thanks for all the faithful readers keep em coming! So today was probably the most intense day I've ever experienced at work..details to follow.

Mitchell and I are both on our Kitty right now..how odd yet not surprising. He's already been snappy to me so watch out world!

Could you guys guess who the mysterious person was in yesterday's post? If you guessed our uncle Jo San you are correct!

As President and CEO I demoted and promoted Mitchell's position all in one day. From Assistant to the Regional Manager to the Soap Lady and then to the other one again. No good quotes for him so lets demote him again!

On with my quotes!

Kirk: Why the hell is this wrapped? (referring to a mandarin orange on my desk)
Ern: Its a gift
Kirk: You wrapped it for me?
Ern: Um..I was going to eat that at lunch

Jane: Oh when did you get your nose pierced?
Ern: Its just a mole

20 minutes later....

Jane: Did you know they have an office policy where you can't wear nose rings
Ern: yeah I know its kinda dumb
Jane: yeah but your mole is bigger than the average nose ring
Ern: Yep!

Trainer at the gym: Hey haven't seen you in a while!
Ern: yeah, I've been taking it easy but I'm trying to work out more for the summer
Trainer: Oh yeah I remember last summer when you wore those really short shorts
Ern: ehh..
Trainer: What's your name again??

So Kitty (the crazy one) and I had dinner at Reef and Beef (which is effing awesome!) and I ordered lamb:

Ern: Is this a huge faux pas because I'm eating this lamb off the bone?
Kitty: Yes, but we're in the North East

Oh its No Baby Time!

Kitty's Delight!